Depression - 'Sword of Damocles' or 'Two Wolves Within'?

Life can be pretty fucked up at times. Anything from a minor inconvenience, to a right royal clusterfuck of epic proportions. And it's amazing just how one thing can snowball into the next. Like a Looney Tunes character rolling down an icy hill.... 

The trick is to try to escape your frosty prison before BAM!!!! You slam into the side of a rock!

But first.... a history lesson as I can literally hear you ask, 'But.. the fuck is a Damocles?' 

In Greek legend, Damocles was some weasel type dude, toadying up to the then King Dionysus. Calling him such things as truly fortunate and magnificent and the usual bullshit one would use when they're trying to get on someones good side. In return, Dionysus offered to switch places with Damocles for a single day, just so he could see how 'lucky' he really was. Now, the King had made a few enemies during his reign thus far and arranged for a huge assed sword to be suspended, by the single hair of a horse's tail, above the throne. He felt it was a pretty good representation of the fears, anxieties and dangers bestowed on a ruling Monarch (are Sicilian tyrants classified as monarchs?). 

'With great power comes great responsibility' and all that jazz.

Damocles was pretty chuffed to be sitting among all of this plush luxury that was bestowed upon a  King, but the 'weight' of the sword hanging over his head soon got the better of him and he quickly begged King Dionysus to be let out of their agreement.

Pretty intense shit hey?

Well, by 4th century B.C. standards, I guess it was.

And the 'Two Wolves Within'? Well.... I'm guessin' most have heard the story told by a 'Native American' Grandfather/Chieftain/Elder to his young charge. The metaphor of 'two wolves' fighting inside of each of us? One is the 'evil' side of us, feeding on hatred and fear and all that negative shit. The other, is the 'good' side of us, feeding on all 'peace and love and good happiness stuff'.
The youngster, after hearing the wise old sage story asks, 'But.... which wolf wins?'

'The one you feed', is the old mans reply.

Now, as much as I love this fable, I never realised until now (yes, I was 'today' years old) that it was actually penned by the good Reverend Billy Graham. Yup.... a so called 'Native American story of good verses evil was actually penned by a Southern Baptist God Botherer!

(If you don't believe me, check Wikipedia). Two Wolves

Fuck hey?

But yeah... depression.... and anxiety and stress and fear and all those fuckin' negative feelings that come with it all. Why? Where does it come from? Why do us normally lucid and intelligent adults suddenly succumb to such emotions? I'm guessing there'll be like, three or four people currently reading this that are close enough to me to know I'm currently sitting at the bottom of a pretty dark hole. The reasons aren't important, but suffice to say.... it's pretty fucked up in my head at this current moment in time. Not bad enough to re-enact the 'Shotgun Blues', but bad enough that depression, anxiety, stress and fear keep me at home most days of the week. Even if I drag my ass to work, most days my fucked up head drives me back home shakin' like a dog tryin' shit a peach pit.

Yup.... THE fuckin' Wulfe Ryder.... with all his wolf and eagle tatts, and humour, and Native American spirituality, and his 'mother fucker' outlook on life is a fighting a battle inside his own head! Has been pretty much all this year so far in fact. And THAT'S on top of beating the battle I had with my head after I had the car accident. And it IS a battle, a war of the mind....

Minds?

Maybe that's sposed to be plural?

I dunno.... how many are we allowed to have in here anyway?

I DO know that they're tenacious fuckers up there. Every time I think I've wrangled them into submission and hogtied them into some little recess of my mind/s, those little cunts chew through the ropes to play merry hell. They'll just sit there, out of reach, until something triggers them and out they come.... like The Four Horsemen of the 'Poxyclips... but mine represent Depression, Fear, Stress and Anxiety.

And a part of me keeps thinking... 'I'm nearly fuckin' 50! I should be big enough, and old enough, and ugly enough to deal with this shit!'

Then I see on TV or on a poster that it's 'O.K.' to feel vulnerable and talk to someone about it.

Then another part of me say's 'Fuckin' man up! You weren't raised to be such a fuckin' pussy!'

And still another voice whispers 'You need to be strong for your kids.'

And then there's that side of me that shouts 'OI! DICKHEAD! THE FUCK YOU DOIN? YOU CAN DO THIS SHIT AND MOVE FORWARD! YOU DONE IT BEFORE, YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH WORSE SHIT AND SURVIVED! SO USE THOSE TOOLS YOU GOT TUCKED AWAY AND SORT YOURSELF OUT....
You can do it mate....
I got faith in you xx'

Of course.... 'Evil Rod' pops up to remind me... 'hey.... tequila in the freezer'.

I like 'Evil Rod' sometimes. If you go back through past blogs, you might just notice the moments where I've listened to him.

But yeah... we can either look at it as a 'sword' hanging over us, or as something we have some sort of control over....

And it's about time I took control!

So.... who do YOU feed? The black dog? Or the white? 

And then.... there's Moon Moon....

Blues Brothers - Shotgun Blues

Peace and love and good happiness stuff.